I came across BreakUpEmail.com during an idle hour at work.  I decided to write one for myself...to myself.

And here's an excerpt from the website's FAQ list:

3. Why should I dump him/her by email?
Three possibilities:
     a) you are a pansy-assed scaredy-cat unwilling, or too afraid, to even dump him/her over the phone;
     b) you are too lazy to leave your computer and tell him/her in person;
     c) he/she deserves to be dumped by email.

Dear Jay-R,

I'm writing you this email because I think our relationship has run its course. You've changed too much since we met, and I don't like it. I can't believe how selfish you are. Relationships are supposed to be about sharing, jerk. Your arrogance seems to have no limits; it's as if you think you're actually somebody. I know you'll probably tell everyone that you dumped me, because you're a liar. But everyone knows that already, so they won't believe you. You couldn't even pass your exams without cheating; I should have known you'd cheat on me too, asshole. You know, a little respect can go a long way. But the amount of respect you give me is only enough for ME to go a long way. A long way away from you, douchebag. Frankly, you just don't care enough about me. Luckily I care enough about me to make up for it, by saying goodbye to you. The fact that you forgot our anniversary just confirms that it's time for "we" to become "me." Here's some food for thought: you're an asshole! Oh yeah, I almost forgot to point out that you're pure evil, a characteristic that most people do NOT appreciate. You might want to work on that. I don't know how to break it to you, but I found someone else to replace you. You know what they say: out with the old, in with the new! The wise Righteous Brothers wrote a song called "You've lost that lovin' feeling." You might want to listen to it a few times, because I've lost that loving feeling. I don't really do the whole long distance relationship thing. New area code, new market, and it's time for me to go shopping.

Why do you spend so little money on me? Buying me a happy meal at Macdonalds does not count as taking me out to dinner. If you ever get engaged, just remember that an onion ring is not a valid replacement for a wedding ring. And as if that wasn't enough, you have to criticize me all the time! Now it's my turn to be the critic. I give you one thumb up: stick it up your ass! All that nagging of yours worked, assuming your intent was to get rid of me.

It may be a typical line, but it's true: we just aren't meant for each other. I may love you, but I'm definitely not in love with you. You're gonna have to learn to accept that. I'm sure we'll see each other again, if you're ok with it. I think you get the idea: this relationship is over.

Enjoy yourself!
Jay-R